I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
