bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
