her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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