Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
