there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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