haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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