Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
