Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
