This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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