Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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