i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
