Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So much rum. So many feels.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize