from now on my penis is your penis
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
