his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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