I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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