im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
