how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're like the curious george of whores
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
