I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
