someone owes me an orgasm
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
