I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
