I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
