Do you still have your period?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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