peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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