Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
