so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
