he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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