I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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