I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
