My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
