Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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