The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize