I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
