What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
