It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
