Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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