Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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