how can u be prego again
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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