hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
