I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Naked. naked and bneed help.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
