I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
