omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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