So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
