this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
