I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Someone shit on the floor
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
