so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
