If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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