so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
