mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
