Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Couch. On fire.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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