Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
