so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
