On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i now understand why vodka
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
