I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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