Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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