Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone came in the potted fern
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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