I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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