He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
