ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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