i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
