You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
