Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
