I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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