you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
