38 yer olds are good kisserssss
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
