Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
please come you make the beer taste better
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
