I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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