god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
