i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
