You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize