Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
