I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
