so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
