Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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